Last updated on March 12, 2022
Average reading time: 6 minutes.
Recently I have explained what I mean by a “true orgasm”, contrasting it with a “local orgasm” and a “rushed orgasm”.
A rushed orgasm happens when you focus so much on the goal of climaxing that you do not enjoy the journey. The satisfaction may feel somewhat empty or at least, mundane; and in the worst cases, you may inadvertently hurt yourself or your partner. The “true orgasm” is a sensation that engulfs the whole body and mind, and makes you lose control of time, speech and motor functions. You will definitely remember a true orgasm for days, sometimes even for years; and each time, with a smile on your face.
In any case, there is a common structure of an orgasm.
The common structure.
In all cases, the moment of orgasm (either "rushed", "local", or "whole") is a moment when the concentration of accumulated stimuli reaches a point when it surpasses the desire for more, thus releasing the tension of desire.
The process is to stimulate in order to build desire, give pleasure, and accumulate both, while all the time accumulating more desire than pleasure. The more you accumulate and build in both, the more intense the release will be. (At least, this is how I theorise my experience.)
So, this is how a successful experience (I will use "you" and "I" to facilitate narration):
You have some desire, it is reciprocal, and we spend time together. Desire builds in our interaction, until we touch.
Then, I give you some pleasant sensations. Each of them evokes more potential pleasure, and that makes you yearn for more. Then, I continue giving you more pleasure, a little more than before, and your desire grows too, so you still yearn for even more. Each minute, your pleasure intensifies, but all along desire rises too, and stays higher, you still want more, creating a small, pleasant frustration.
Along time, new pleasant sensations accumulate, and desire too, until your desire for pleasure is stronger than your willpower, it reaches such a height that it becomes a craving. Then, your attention, consciousness, everything in you surrenders to this sensation of willing for more, for the release of tension.
Our action becomes more and more intense. And, if our moves are right, the release comes in a wave of intense pleasure that surpasses the climax of desire. The intensity of the sensation is in direct relation to the accumulated desire and pleasure.
After the climax, there is a moment of satisfied calmness or even bliss if the orgasm was intense. This is the moment to soak in the pleasure, the "afterglow" - the intensity of the sensation of bliss and happiness of the afterglow is usually very related to the intensity of the orgasm itself.
On the graph, Desire is Red, Stimulation (deliberate action) is Blue, and Pleasure is Green.
The scale I use on the graph is arbitrary. I am not even sure my axes are linear. The x-axis, about time, is not linear, it will vary tremendously, including with the same pair of lovers. Sometimes, you will have (and sometimes, need) 45 minutes of "foreplay" and have a "whole orgasm" in 5 minutes; other times, it will be 15 minutes before going to genitals, and 40 minutes to the first orgasm!
Sometimes, initial desire may begin very low, especially for married couples. In this case, you are choosing to begin a sexual interaction with little desire, because you know that it will be pleasant (same as deciding to go to the gym). Then, the pleasure elicited by the sensation begins higher than desire. Anyway, desire rises faster, so you will join the graph.
In the case of a “rushed orgasm”
When masturbating with the mind on the goal, the cool down is not very pleasant, hardly an "afterglow". This is why so many people will rush out of the bed, shower, or go do something else after sex - they rushed towards climax, with little regard for their sensations and bodies (masturbated together?)... and it does not really make them feel good, they don't want to stay in the sensation.
A "quick orgasm" may be a "rushed orgasm" or a "local orgasm". The difference lies in the excess stimulation compared to actual pleasure in the case of a rush.
The graphs are designed the same way.
However, the intensity of a "true orgasm" is so vastly different from the intensity of a rushed orgasm that these scales cannot be comparable.
But what is important here is the difference between the intensity of desire, stimulation, and pleasure. The difference in focus (more stimulation, less pleasure) is what makes the different result. Of course, by definition a quick orgasm will not last as long, and arrive more quickly.
Another difference is the sharp decrease of sensations after the climax. It is the difference between stimulation (towards climax) and actual pleasure that make the "cool down" period much more disconnected. There is a sort of exhaustion that comes from this intense heightening. After a sprint, you want to hit the shower, whereas after a long pleasurable stroll, you want to soak in the landscape.
On the other hand, when the orgasm was really intense and full of pleasure, the cool down is a state of bliss and plenitude. You will not want to leave once it's done, on the contrary you will want to stay, marvel at what just happened, and share your gratitude with your partner. This is a moment of open feelings and deep connexion.
When I discovered what a true orgasm can be, it made me see sexuality as a sacred experience, a way to a mystical union with my lovers. Many people who discover this intense sensation perceive it as part of their spiritual bond with each other.
Multiple orgasms
Usually, after ejaculation, the penis is unavailable for an average 20 minutes - it may even be painful to continue movement for a few minutes just after the ejaculation. But staying and soaking in the pleasant sensation and closeness, without moving, can really prolong the pleasure and the enjoyment. Plus, of course, it helps in enhancing the feeling of intimacy and mutual closeness.
The outer clitoris (glans, hood and outer body) has a similar reaction: after a "peak", its sensitivity will usually make it unavailble for a while: it will either be desensitized, or sensitive to the point of being painful (which is hardly surprising, it is basically the same structure as a penis).
Vaginas, on the other hand, do not have such a sharp contrast between before and after - the tissues stay ready to enjoy pleasure during the "cool down" period; which allows continued interaction. The pleasure recedes but does not end.
If things have been done properly (especially not "jumping the gun", i.e. taking the time for the vagina to be fully prepared) the pleasure stays high during the "cooling down" period. If stimulated, that very pleasure can be the basis for another build in desire and pleasure, and lead to more orgasms. This succession of multiple orgasms can last very long.
Even better, usually, the orgasms tend to build in intensity as they accumulate.