Handle with care and build trust

Average reading time: 4-5 minutes.

30% of women report experiencing physical pain during coitus. That is extreme! Especially for a person's most sensitive body areas!

That means that before allowing you inside of her body, she has to accept the risk that the interaction may, not only not be pleasant, but actually, painful – and sexual pain can be extreme. That takes a lot of trust.

1. Handle with care!

This was one of the first lessons I learned about a woman’s sexuality –my first lover taught it long before our first intercourse: handle with care! Sexual organs are very fragile. I learned that a woman’s organs are even more sensitive and fragile than a man’s.

Think of the kind of blunt force you could handle on your testicles, compared to other parts of your body? That is the kind of difference in touch that you need with most women’s intimate parts. I strongly advise reading my article about the biological needs for intercourse to be pleasurable and not painful. 

(And again, I am so grateful that I had never witnessed porn, where they usually handle the most delicate human parts like butchers – even their own, though women take the most punishment)

Also, a woman’s pleasure is not as guaranteed as a man’s. She can get a wonderful orgasm, or extreme pain, or anything in between, all from (apparently) the same act.

The physical sensation of a brutal penetration when the vagina is not prepared can be akin to rubbing your bare glans with a scarping sponge – not to mention the emotional trauma. How easily would you take that risk if you were her?

2. The symbolic of inviting someone in

The second important thing I learned is that, since a large part of a woman’s sexual organs is internal, it makes them all the more fragile, and... more intimate.

A woman has to invite you inside of her. That’s a lot. Think about it: it’s not as easy inviting someone into your home as it is meeting them at their place.

So, in order to let you in and enjoy it, she needs to trust you.

The level of trust needed, and how long it takes, will vary from person to person, but here is my piece of advice: the more you build over time, and prove that you care about her pleasure more than about your own, the more she will reciprocate. And this will not only increase her pleasure, her trust, and henceforth, your relationship, but it will also bring more pleasure for you, more efforts from her to please you - and more understanding of each other’s preferences… and so on. Your sex life will be ever more pleasant and the bond you share will strengthen.

So the choice of a partner is a very meaningful decision, a choice with important consequences.

Side note on my own bias:

In this article particularly, I am having a bias, towards committed relationships, and mutual care and responsibility. Some women will object that they can have pleasure with most of their partners, by the force of their knowledge of their own selves. Indeed, that is true. However:

• Those self-reliant women are a small minority, and usually they gathered those skills through hard-earned experience. Further, most of them will have no qualms educating their lovers and leading them (beware, many women with strong kinks will be in that category, and what they teach may not be transposable to others)
• The matter of trust is still there: it just has changed hands. Those women know themselves so well that they can trust themselves to give themselves pleasure and orgasm whatever their partner does – like many men. However, even if I can have pleasure even with a boring partner, the more she brings to the party, the better. And I still need her to not abuse me.

See also my article: “are you responsible for your own pleasure?”

My experience comes from committed relationships (sometimes love, sometimes friendship with benefits). In this case, building trust is the best way to get a woman confident enough so that she will expect pleasure from your touch, that she will welcome you inside, and that it is easier and more pleasurable for both.

3. Using trust to enhance your shared pleasures with a long-term partner

If you are looking for a long-term relationship, this is where the Orgasm Lovers teachings will have the most impact.

Building mutual trust will in fact be an amazing investment for your relationship. And the first key to enhancing your sex life is time – time to listen, and patience to wave the short-term gratification and move for the bigger gift.

Patience and dedication are the key factors to build trust, relationship, and grow the pleasure you can expect from your sex life:

• Patience in the course of the relationship: being patient over days or weeks to build trustworthiness, respecting the slower person's pace and not trying to force them.
• Patience in “foreplay”: taking the time to let her vagina get fully lubricated and engorged, and even then, waiting a few more minutes before entering her body - which builds anticipation, excitement, and therefore, resulting pleasure. As a matter of fact, the first time with a woman with whom I intend to build a relationship, I usually refrain from genital interaction until she asks for it several times, and I verify how ready and aroused she is before I even attempt penetration.
• Patience during penetration: refraining for a few minutes from climaxing in order to give time for her orgasm, slowing down your own pace in order to enjoy the smaller sensations and every minute of the journey, all of those will have a major impact on pleasure.

This will require effort – but it is more than worth it: you will get so much more than you invest!

And if you have a hard time waiting or refraining, there are ways to compensate and help reciprocating pleasure. You have fingers, a mouth, and with just a little knowledge and experience, you can work wonders. I gave you the keys to the "4 Jade choirs". You can use them alone if you want, or before intercourse, or afterwards to prolong her pleasure.

If you are interested in special courses on how to please a woman without using a penis, please email me with the subject “pleasure without penis”.

Your questions and feedbacks are always welcome to make the most accurate and tailor-made answer to your questions and your needs.